SHOWdROOM is the second in a series of four exhibition with the artists Thorben Gröbel, Mark Grootes, Jonathan Paepens and Martijn Petrus. Each show will be held within the workspaces of one of their parents. The second show was presented at Paepens showroom for sanitary ware, run by the Paepens family.
Cafard – by Jonathan Paepens
My grandmother told me about the cafard, from which she suffered sometimes. In French this is an often used feeling; avoir le cafard. It is a feeling that can be compared with the blues or melancholy, although these are not enough to cover the entire meaning. As an adolescent and even in my late twenties I barely understood the feeling. The word was clear but still it was an empty feeling. For me it is connected with family and close friendships. Only with them there exists a mishmash of feelings in which you can feel peace and panic at the same time, as well as fear and belonging. The feeling that you want to go away but you wouldn’t want to be somewhere else, not for all the money in the world.
And for the first time I also feel cafard about an expo. I don’t want to be there but I really want to be there. There is no feeling that can approach the dis-comforting feeling of cafard.
When I think back of my years in Ninove, where I did primary and secondary school, the feeling of cafard returns. Ninove, in 2014 I sang on the balcony of the old city hall; ‘Don’t cry for me, Ninove. The truth is, I never loved you.’ This is untrue and it will never be the truth. I feel cafard for you. I am scared of your future but still feel like I belong here. And on some leve I wish I never had to leave you. You experienced me and helped me to see who I am. You represent my fear for the future. I wish you would never change and would always be the same.